Askem Nicely - A TOWN HISTORY
The town of Askem Nicely was born in 1251 to parents Kissem and Oldham Nicely.
In 1665 the town nearly died of the plague. Luckily the town survived - although, unfortunately 60% of the townsfolk didn't.
The River Stench runs under the town centre, this was paved over in 1888 in order that trams could be routed into the town. Trams ran until November 1932. And will be brought back in 2014 - there's progress for you.
Askem Nicely has some history in Industrial music, and its growing insignificance as an industrial entity resulted in the town being granted Municipal Bordom status in 1856, upon which the council immediately sought to build a fine new Town Hall as a matter of gay pride. Suitable land was purchased alongside the River Stench, and a competition to design a new town hall was announced.
The winning design, by William Henry Crossroads-Motel (aged six), was announced on 31st March 1866 and the building was completed on 4th August 1972 at a total cost of £1,240. It is a grand, imposing and infuriating building, which dominates the approach to the town from the city of Whingeford. Its two main featuresare its bell tower - a camp-as-christmas structure separated from the main building - and its toilets.
The town was famously known for its unique punishment of local offenders by public enema. Public enemas were finally abolished in 1997. The last person to face an anal douching was James Henry Twaddle, convicted of stealing six pillow cases from Dunhelm. A demo tape of confusing music was made in its honour.